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28 June 2011 @ 06:57 am
When I got home last night, my aunt handed me a paper she got from her church about ministers being punished for officiating same-sex weddings. In it, the paper said they were calling for a vote to shoot down the, I dunno, rule or whatever that said they couldn't marry same-sex couples, and I said good for her church. We then went on to talk about New York making it legal, and she said they were in a lot of trouble. Which, of course, lead to the inevitable argument about my sexuality.

She doesn't get it. She doesn't get how I know I'm a lesbian if I've never been in a relationship with a woman. But I've never been in a relationship with anyone! I have known who and what I am for a very long time- for as long as I can remember. My inability to have any sort of relationship has nothing to do with my sexuality and everything to do with the fact that I can't even hold someone's hand. I don't hug people. I don't do touching at all. Why go out and try to find a date when, at the end of the evening all she'll get is a wave and a smile??? The only people I'm comfortable enough to touch are my nieces and nephew, and my little brother. But he's getting older, so I don't really hug him much anymore. My nieces and nephew just don't take no for an answer. They jump on my lap when I read them a book, and love hugs. I can't deny them that because I really don't want to be that kind of person. And, maybe it's helping me. I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm tired of people doubting my sexual orientation because I'm not acting on it. I'm not the sort of person who can or will run out and have sex with some random stranger just to prove a point. If I were straight, I still wouldn't be in a relationship. I have no doubts about who I am... I just wish she'd get that and stop pestering me about going back to church because I'm really not a lesbian and they'd love to have me. Yes I am, and no they wouldn't.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated