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ahsatanllesob
08 September 2011 @ 06:47 am
I am finally moving out of my aunt's house. I've been so stressed out lately, I'm suprised I haven't had a heart attack yet. So my stepmom, well, okay, ex-stepmom has insisted that I come and stay with her so I can save up some money and go back to school and get a job that's better suited to my talents. Yesterday I threw my hat over the wall, in the form of one of my favorite things. I took over my box of Star Wars books because, I will admit it, I am a huge Star Wars geek. I couldn't bear giving her my West Wing dvds, though. I'm not ready to put them in a box just yet, lol.

So, hopefully by this weekend I'll be all settled in to my new, low stress invironment. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is having to adjust to a new surrounding. I have OCD, and here I've finally found a routine I can handle. Everyone here has already adjusted to my little... personality quirks. Now I have to get used to living with people I haven't lived with in years. I have never lived with my neices and nephews, so it's gonna be interesting. But, it's a good thing. I need to do this for my sanity. It'll be a while before I can get online, though, 'cause they don't have Internet yet. She said I could pay for it to be hooked up, though, and I'm going to have to since I plan on going to school online. So, yay for me! I'm excited. Nervous but excited. I think that's the name of a band who played a Pride Fest a few years ago.... lol.
 
 
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
 
 
ahsatanllesob
30 August 2011 @ 06:58 am
So, according to the guy on the news, mold counts are high, as are ragweed and just about every other allergy count in the area. Which explains why I can't breathe! So I took a Benadryl. How is it that that tiny little pill can knock a person out for 8 hours and make them wake up feeling like they got caught under the tire of a mac truck and dragged for 100 miles?? I mean, seriously. It's tiny.

I'm not adjusting well to life without a dog. I miss Zoey. I've been sleeping practically all day long since she died. I sleep, get up and go to work, come home and sleep until I have to make dinner, then sleep some more. I keep thinking 'the dog's too quiet, what's she getting in to' or 'she hasn't been outside in a while, I've got to take her to go potty'. Yesterday I came home from work and saw my cousin outside on the porch and got pissed off 'cause she didn't have the dog with her. It's not going well at all. I miss cuddling. Zoey was my little cuddle bug... I screamed at my friend at work yesterday 'cause she asked me if I wanted a cat and I yelled at her that I wasn't REPLACING MY DOG!!! Not such a good day... there's dog hair all over my car from when I took her to the vet. I don't want to get rid of it, though, 'cause pretty soon it will be all I have left. Lisa from work is going to take the dog food so I don't have to look at it anymore. We've already put her bowl and leash up, and her collar got burried with her, a thing that I'm still upset about. The could've taken it off before they put her in the box.

...This is just a random post 'cause I have a few minutes before I have to finish getting ready for work. 9 hours today, yay fun. It's a long time to work with the public. I'm going to deserve my nap today.
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
ahsatanllesob
26 August 2011 @ 11:43 am
So, my dog die sometime last night. She was sick for a week, suffering. We took her to the vet three times, and they kept her yesterday. They cut her open to see what was wrong, patched her up after taking a biopsy and sending it to a lab because they had no idea what was wrong with her, hooked her up to an IV and left for the day. She died, alone in a cold vet's office. They walked in this morning and found her. And then my aunt, without consulting me, told the vet that they could keep her body to find out what happened so it doesn't happen to anyone else's dog. My Zoey is not some fucking science project! She died alone! She shouldn't have to spend another second in that damn office and now I can't even go get her!!!! So, I spent all morning listening to KD Lang and throwing stuff. Now I've got to go to work, but not before I stop and buy myself some goddamn cigarettes. If I'm going to be depressed then by god I'm going to smoke. It's a coping mechanism. That and music. I'd still be curled up in a ball in bed if I hadn't turned on KD Lang. Now I'm officially pissed off. And I miss my baby girl. She wasn't even a year old!!! When I figure out how and have the time I'm going to post a picture of her. She was adorable. It pisses me off that she died, scared and alone, when she was such a loving dog. Now I have to get ready and go to work and try not to look like I've been crying since 8. Think it would look bad to have the first person people see when they walk in the store to be bawling her eyes out at the service desk?? LOL. RIP, Zoe-girl. Mama love.
 
 
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
 
 
ahsatanllesob
19 August 2011 @ 08:48 am
So, yesterday at work some customer hugged me. She HUGGED me. Which, of course, caused me to have a panic attack because I cannot stand to be touched! By anyone, ever. Well, that's not true. I hug my nieces and nephew, and even my brother sometimes, but that's pretty much it. Unless I'm at a funeral or family reunion, it's an unspoken rule everyone knows. DON'T TOUCH ME!

That's why I don't date. Well, okay, one of the reasons I don't date. The other one is a six foot tall blonde who tore my heart out, ripped it into tiny pieces, stomped on it and put it back in my chest upside down with her fingerprints all over it. But that's beside the point. The point it, some stranger hugged me and I had a panic attack at work. Think they'll let me wear a shirt that says "Please don't hug the help"?
 
 
ahsatanllesob
11 August 2011 @ 12:14 pm
Who are your favorite television or movie villains? What makes them so deliciously evil?
Ann Stark from The West Wing episode The Leadership Breakfast. She's my favorite! She stirs up all this trouble and angst and looks good doing it. Does that count?
 
 
 
ahsatanllesob
05 July 2011 @ 12:18 pm
What tune do you regularly find yourself humming or singing in the shower?
It's usually a Broadway song. "I Know the Truth" by Sherie Rene Scott from the musical AIDA, or, if I'm feeling catty, "My Strongest Suit" from AIDA. But I only sing when I'm home alone, lol. Wouldn't want someone else to hear how bad I really am, lol.
 
 
ahsatanllesob
28 June 2011 @ 06:57 am
When I got home last night, my aunt handed me a paper she got from her church about ministers being punished for officiating same-sex weddings. In it, the paper said they were calling for a vote to shoot down the, I dunno, rule or whatever that said they couldn't marry same-sex couples, and I said good for her church. We then went on to talk about New York making it legal, and she said they were in a lot of trouble. Which, of course, lead to the inevitable argument about my sexuality.

She doesn't get it. She doesn't get how I know I'm a lesbian if I've never been in a relationship with a woman. But I've never been in a relationship with anyone! I have known who and what I am for a very long time- for as long as I can remember. My inability to have any sort of relationship has nothing to do with my sexuality and everything to do with the fact that I can't even hold someone's hand. I don't hug people. I don't do touching at all. Why go out and try to find a date when, at the end of the evening all she'll get is a wave and a smile??? The only people I'm comfortable enough to touch are my nieces and nephew, and my little brother. But he's getting older, so I don't really hug him much anymore. My nieces and nephew just don't take no for an answer. They jump on my lap when I read them a book, and love hugs. I can't deny them that because I really don't want to be that kind of person. And, maybe it's helping me. I don't know.

What I do know is that I'm tired of people doubting my sexual orientation because I'm not acting on it. I'm not the sort of person who can or will run out and have sex with some random stranger just to prove a point. If I were straight, I still wouldn't be in a relationship. I have no doubts about who I am... I just wish she'd get that and stop pestering me about going back to church because I'm really not a lesbian and they'd love to have me. Yes I am, and no they wouldn't.
 
 
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated
 
 
ahsatanllesob
16 June 2011 @ 02:38 pm
Name: Natasha
- Sex: Female
- Birthday: May 4th
- Sign: Taurus
- Hair color: Brown
- Eye color: Hazel
- Height: 5'8"
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: I'm a lesbian

Fashion Stuff

- Favorite place to shop for clothes?: Nowhere? I hate shopping!
- Favorite designer?: I love Betsy Johnson, DVF, Oscar DeLarento... I can probably find something from any designer that I would love. But, I don't have the body to pull it off, so why bother?
- What is your coolest outfit?: I have a uniform for work, so most of my clothes are work clothes. I don't have much of a life outside of work. I guess my "coolest" outfit would have to be my favorite tank top with the lace and sequins and black pants. It's my go-to outfit if I have to look hot.
- What is your most comfortable outfit: Do pajamas count?
- What do you usually wear?: I like comfortable clothes. Lounge pants, t-shirts, tennis shoes. I'm a creature of comfort.

Specifics

- What kind of shampoo do you use?: Whatever's made for curly, frizzy hair and is on sale. Right now it's suave.
- What are you listening to right now?: Grey's Anatomy, lol. I just finished listening to Anna Nalalick's debut album.
- Who is the last person that called you?: Um, probaly Robin or Aunt Julie.
- How many buddies are online right now?: I honestly don't know. I don't chat or IM or whatever, so...none?

Favorites

- Food: pasta- it's my downfall. or Chinese food
- Girls' names: Alecksandra Kay, Marina Jade
- Boys' names: Nicholai, Ivan... I'm on a Russian kick
- Subjects in school: English, drama, Journalism, photography
- Animals: my dog, Zoey, and my convict fish Bogey. I love all types of dogs, and am partial to white tigers.

Have you ever?

- Given anyone a bath?: Yes
- Smoked?: Yes. I quit a long time ago, but I've been craving nicotine recently.
- Bungee jumped?: Hell no.
- Made yourself throw up?: Yes.
- Ever been in love?: one-sided love, yeah.
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble: yes.
- Cried when someone died?: Not in a while, actually. I don't have any tears left.
- Lied?: Is there anyone who can truly answer 'no' to that question?
- Fallen for your best friend?: Yes. Hard.
- Rejected someone?: Yes, ironically the same person I fell for. We've come full circle.
- Used someone?: Unknowingly, I suppose.
- Done something you regret?: Many, many things.

Current

- Clothes: white socks with a black line, gray cut off sweat pants covered in paint from my sister's house, and a white cut off t-shirt. It's my day off and I don't feel lik doing anything.
- Desktop picture: My grandmother.
- CD in player: Antigone Rising's From the Ground Up.
- DVD in player: Um, none. It's the cd.

Last person

- Hugged: My neice, Kataya or my nephew Lorenzo.
- You IMed: don't
- Talk to online: don't do that, either.
- Talked to offline: my cousin, Johnathan

Are you

- Understanding: I try to be, but dammit sometimes I just don't want to hear it.
- Hungry: No. I just ate a salad.
- Open-minded: Very.
- Arrogant: I don't think so.
- Insecure?: Incredibly.
- Random?: Yeah, sometimes way too much.
- Smart: I am, but I hide it well.
- Organized: It's more like organized chaos. I know where everything is, it's just not...pretty to look at.
- Shy: Sometimes. It depends on where I'm at. Not as bad as I used to be, beacause I've finally decided I could care less what other people think of me.
- Difficult: Yes. It's a Schultz gene...we're all stubborn and bull-headed.
- Bored easily: Not bored, really. I just can't focus on one thing at a time. Un-focused. That sounds better, right?.

Who do you want to

- Kill: No one.
- Slap: I'm not a violent person, really.
- Get really wasted with: Honestly? I don't get wasted. Ever. I have a low tolerance for alcohol. Even one drink makes me sick, so no one.
- Get high with: Man, I sound boring. I don't get high, either.
- Talk to offline: There are people who I'd love to talk to everyday, but unfortunately I either can't or won't. I'm not naming names, just in case. :)
- Talk to online: No one? I replied to a few things on facebook, so...

Random

- In the morning I: Can hardly move. Arthritis sucks.
- Love is: An illusion.
- I dream about: Being able to dance. I took tap when I was little, but I quit. I've always wondered what my life would have been like if I'd kept up with it. Now I can hardly walk.
- What do you notice first in the opposite sex?: Um, don't really pay attention to 'em. Same sex- the smile. the voice. it depends on the circumstances, but those things are always on the top of the list.

Which is better

- Coke or Pepsi: If I have to pick, Coke.
- Flowers or candy: Candy, only because I'm allergic to flowers.
- Tall or short: Tall. :)

Who

- Makes you laugh the most?: My co-workers. They try to outdo each other.
- Gives you a funny feeling when you look at them?: Ugh... this woman at work I've developed a sort of crush on.

Do you ever

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Am I the only person on the planet who doesn't IM?
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Sometimes, yeah. But never seriously. It's too yucky to think about.
- Wish you were younger: I'm 25, how much younger could I get? LOL. No.
- Cry because someone said something to you?: Yes. But, I'm working on it.

Number

- Of times I have had my heart broken: It was more than broken once. It was broken, glued back together, crushed, trampled on, and run through a shredder. I really don't have a heart after that. What's left of it is hidden somewhere no one can ever touch it, and it's gonna stay that way.
- Of guys I've kissed: Guys, 0?
- Of girls I've kissed: No comment. ;)
- Of scars on my body: I'm covered in scars and tattoos, lol. Well, right now it's just scars and a tattoo. I'm working on more.
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: As If We Never Said Goodbye- Laurie Beechman
 
 
ahsatanllesob
What is your favorite cult film, and why?
Rocky Horror, of course!
 
 
ahsatanllesob
21 May 2011 @ 09:37 pm
It's the beginning of the end, according to Harold Camping. How will you spend what could be your last day on Earth?
I spent today the same way I spent everyother day. Breakfast, talked to my family a bit, work, home, played with the dog and talked to my family a bit more. Yay, fun. He's a crackpot.